


Your Name Is Dirk English

by Bookworm445



Series: Dirk Week 2017 [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dirk English - Freeform, Dirk Week 2017, Gen, Homestuck Kidswap, Jake Strider - Freeform, Jane Lalonde - Freeform, Kidswap AU, Roxy Crocker - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-22 14:22:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9611273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookworm445/pseuds/Bookworm445
Summary: For Dirk Week Day 3: AUYour name is Dirk English and you just cremated your grandmother.





	

Your name is Dirk English and you just cremated your grandmother.

 

You weren’t stupid - you knew she’d been murdered, probably by that evil stepmother she kept talking about. You only hoped that whoever killed her wouldn’t come after you, because you just knew you weren’t good enough with your guns yet.

 

\--------

 

Your name is (still) Dirk English and you just met Roxy Crocker online.

 

She’s the heiress to the Betty Crocker Company and together you figured out that you’re second cousins - your grandmother was her grandfather’s sister. Whilst searching you encountered a conspiracy - Crockercorp is attempting to take over the world, and that is why your grandmother was killed. You made plans to meet Roxy someday - get off your island and fight against the Batterwitch together.

 

\--------

 

Your name is Jake Strider and whilst Lil’ Cal may have raised you, he still crept the fuck out of you, and so you got coordinates from your good friend uranianUmbra (UU) and send that creepy-ass not-puppet away.

 

Jane scolds you for it, because What if someone finds Cal? He is not a normal puppet, Strider! And you apologize because she’s right. You hope no-one finds that puppet.

 

\--------

 

Your name is Dirk Strider and what in the holy fuck is that puppet doing here!

 

You pick up the puppet and examine it. It sports a blue shirt bearing the word “CAL”, which you presume is its name. It looks like a marionette with its strings cut, all floppy. You smile - you’ve always wanted a puppet, but you don’t get supply drops often so it’s not like you could make one. You also know a lot of robotics, but what you do make is from the remains of your grandmother’s Skaianet shtick. You jump when your pesterchum pings.

 

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering timaeusTestified [TT] at 12:54!

UU: Hello, Dirk!

UU: YoU’ve received the pUppet, haven’t yoU?

UU: I do so hope yoU have.

TT: Yeah, I’ve got the puppet. Is his name Cal? That’s what it says on the shirt, at least.

UU: It is Cal! Lil’ Cal, to be precise.

UU: I got my friend Jake to send him to yoU, as I knew yoU’d like it!

TT: Tell this ‘Jake’ thanks from me, would you?

UU: Why don’t yoU tell him yoUrself? ^u^

UU:  golgothasTerror

UU: Bye, darling! I gotta go.

TT: See ya, UU.

TT: And thanks.

UU: YoU’re very welcome. ^u^

uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering timaeusTestified [TT] at 13:47!

 

You sit back in your chair and debate whether or not to click the chumhandle. On one hand, your grandmother had drilled into you that you should always be polite, but on the other, well, stranger danger. However, you know UU, and she would never be friends with anyone remotely like her brother. You click on the handle and open a chat.

 

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 14:03!

TT: Hey.

TT: You don’t know me, but uranianUmbra gave me your chumhandle. Wanted me to thank you.

TT: So thanks, I guess.

GT: Thank me? For what?

TT: The puppet. Lil’ Cal.

TT: I’ve always wanted one, and UU knew that so she said she asked you to send him to me.

GT: Golly! Id never really liked lil cal so id wanted to get rid of him. Uu just gave me the time and coordinates i never knew where id send the blasted thing!

TT: Well, thanks anyway. My name’s Dirk English. What’s yours?

GT: Strider. Jake strider. Nice to meet you dirk!

TT: It’s nice to meet you too, Jake Strider.

**Author's Note:**

> Pesterlogs are terrible to format even with help AND Jake is terrible to try and write. Also, I know a lot of Kidswaps give Dirk Jake's personality and etc, but honestly I think it would be mostly the same. There are some little changes - like Jane is less skeptical due to living after the Apocalypse, Roxy never started drinking (because she never felt like she needed to get closer to Rose and like hell would Dad EVER let his kid drink), Dirk never made AR (although he does still like robotics, just lacks the necessary shit to do it with) and Jake... well, Jake is mostly the same, but learned how to use a sword instead of a gun.


End file.
